God is good?
I remember the day, the situation, and circumstances, years ago, that I partnered with a dangerous brokenness.
I had set my heart against the idea of wanting a child.
But now, through death,
life has been brought in.
For the last five years I have been a MASSIVE supporter of the work of Love146, an international non-profit working to end child sex-trafficking and sexual exploitation.
I was honored to travel with them to South East Asia to see their work fist hand. The impact has motivated more support and more awareness, fueled by the connection I made to the lives directly impacted by such darkness, who have been brought into a great light and freedom, and I am honored to be a part of that.
It also connected me to the goodness of God.
This connectedness was made in the middle of a mass open grave in Cambodia, where I felt the heart of the Father mourn over a generation lost.It was solidified while struggling to walk up the stairs of the Nana Plaza, the worlds "largest adult playground", in Bangkok Thailand. Here my heart pounded with every step, over whelmed by the broken hearts I was surrounded by. And when I celebrated at the Love146 round home in the Philippines with young boys and girls who have been taken out of such darkness and are rejoicing in the life that they have and get to share with others. I'll never forget walking hand in hand with these beautiful little girls as they gave me a tour of their home.
And in all three places, I recognized I was experiencing the heart of a God,
who is good, and who is present in all of our circumstances.
It is good for us to wrestle with the question "How can God be good when _______?" because, I believe, as we process through it, we are digging a deeper well in our hearts to hold His goodness, so that, when the revelation of His goodness comes, we can serve others from it.
And I write this post to do just that.
A beautiful family, Laci, Joel, and their son Anchor Hill just spent a week in my home. Laci and I love mugs, so the mug in the photo is the one she got for me, and the "giving key" is a gift they left in my home for Bryant and I. They received the giving key before they moved to Thailand, and wanted to keep it until they had a home and the baby they had prayed so long for, and he is such an amazing child! And now we hold it close until we hold our next child in our arms.
My time this week with them was deep, as they loved me in the process of grieving the loss of my own baby.
Obadiah Thomas Keefe, who I held at 7 weeks old on August 13th 2016.
People say "miscarriages are more common than you think" and other things to attempt to bring you comfort, but comfort does not come from words, it comes from the heart of a good Father.
Loss, at any stage of life, requires time, grace, and understanding, mostly for the ones it impacts the most. I remember, as it was happening, shortening my breath, holding it in, so as to numb myself from how much I knew it would hurt. And the sweet voice of my Jesus whispered "it's okay to not be okay". And as I released my breath with a flood of tears, the process of healing began.
A common question we ask in hard circumstances is "why", but I have recognized that is the wrong question, and we will not find justice or comfort in it's answer.
But the question that has helped me the most is "how".
How do I process this?
How do I respond?
How do I grieve?
How do I heal?
How do I rejoice in this?
How do I hope?
How do I continue to move forward?
God doesn't give us answers that are formulas, we would turn those into idols. God loves us and connects to the deep places within us, when we make space for him to do so, and daily walks with us in the questions and the answers.
I write this to offer hope, trusting that someone who reads this will seek a revelation of the goodness of God in the midst of their broken circumstances. The revelation of His goodness that I experienced in South East Asia was a foundation for me to build my faith upon as I receive a deeper river of who He is.
&thenhesaid: I am with you //