Five //

This nest, for the majority of the time I had been keeping an eye on it, only had four eggs in it.

Then one day, I looked, and there were five.

My over joyed response was for more than just the birds...

I took it as a sign for myself.

That, maybe, I would be pregnant.

Turns out I was,

but, yet again, it would not last.

As the last few weeks have gone by, I keep my eye on this little nest, watching the mamma bird come over and feed the babies, or eye her as she's yelling at me for gardening near them (the nest is directly above my garden).

Someone recently told me,

that five is the number of grace.

The number five symbolizes God's grace, goodness and favor toward us. Five is the number of grace, and multiplied by itself, which is 25, is 'grace upon grace' (John 1:16).

Romans 5:5, a verse I cling to, says "and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

I have hesitated writing a blog post about the number of our losses, because, well I have many reasons, but the largest being, I don't like the attention. I don't want the losses we have experienced to be what people think of in regards to us, I don't want there to be an "identity" found in our suffering.

Because I feel that hope, and I have received His grace.

Knowing the Holy Spirit, who is known as the Comforter, has brought more peace and joy than I can ever explain. Does not mean that waves of mourning do not interrupt my day, but for the majority of the time. I remain hopeful. I refuse to give into despair, and have sought to be intentional about where I allow my thoughts to go, and emotions to go. As the Bible says, "to take every thought captive", negative thoughts and impulse emotions do not determine how hopeful I am.

I have to be intentional.

And I find myself praying, alot: "God, I need your grace".

Because we all hurt, we all have or will experience loss and grief. We won't have it all together or know how to respond the right way... but we are all offered great grace.

I wrote this today, because every day I go out and make sure none of the birds have fallen. I was able to see all five of them are still there, and getting so big, the nest is a tad bit over crowded!

And though this may seem trivial, or even silly, watching these birds reminds my soul of one of my all time favorite things Jesus said:

"Do not be anxious about your life...Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

Are you not of more value than they?" (Matthew 6:26)

And though I mourn the loss of Hope Adora Keefe

Obadiah Thomas Keefe

Aurora Rose Keefe

Trevor Gold Keefe

Atka Keefe

I know that what He said is true:

&thenhesaid: My grace is enough; it’s all you need.